


forever, no matter what

by sodelicate



Series: your voice in my dreams (soulmates AU) [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Fluff, Homophobic Language, M/M, POV Alternating, Romantic Soulmates, Volleyball Dorks in Love, daisuga as a guest star appearance in one scene, like literally just one homophobic slur, plenty of feels and cheese
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 12:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16702717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodelicate/pseuds/sodelicate
Summary: “And that wild, volatile, vivacious force of nature is worth overcoming any and every hurdle, Asahi decides.”In which Asahi and Nishinoya learn to put aside their fears and insecurities for one another, as well as what it means to love forever, no matter what.





	forever, no matter what

**Author's Note:**

> just a warning—there's a homophobic slur midway through the story.
> 
> this can be read as standalone fic, even though it's listed as part of a series! but if you're interested in more world-building details, you should check out ['forever ahead of us'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16677271). or if you're just here for the AsaNoya, that's cool too.

Azumane Asahi thinks he’ll never be able to find his forever, precisely because of his stature. He's always been tall for his age, and he hates it vehemently.

When relatives living at the other end of Japan come and visit him and his family in Miyagi, they always make it a point to coo over how ‘big and strapping’ he is. They say that he must be so proud of how strong and manly he is, that he will have plenty of girls lining up, begging the fates to be his soulmate when he grows up.

Well, about that—that really only happened a few of times in Asahi’s childhood and adolescence. A few (tiny, dainty, fragile) girls timidly approached him and confessed that they liked him, asking if he recognised their voices. He's never been good with people, even when they're not professing their love for him, so he stammered something about already having found his soulmate (lies) and hightailed it out of the classroom.

(He really could’ve just told them he didn't, because his soulmate had sounded distinctly male in his dreams. But he hated disappointing people, so he didn't want to let them down anymore than he already had.)

Most of the time, however, people react to him with fear. They think he's a gangster, a drug dealer; that he's gonna beat them up if they look at him the wrong way. Each (false, incredibly _false_ ) rumour chips at him like grains of sand in a brutal sandstorm, nipping at and wearing down his self-esteem, until he's afraid to even make prolonged eye contact with someone.

In that same vein, he’s terrified of petite people. He's scared of going near anyone at least 20 cm shorter than he is, because he knows _they_ will be scared of him. He's scared of accidentally hurting them and proving what they think of him right.

 _Why me?_  He just wants to peacefully exist without constantly fretting about taking up too much space in the world. Why did the fates decide he had to be so big-sized when they were designing him?

Which is why he never wants to meet his soulmate. All it took was one dream for him to come to this conclusion.

The thing is, hearing your soulmate’s voice in your dream on any given night is fairly low, so in all seventeen years of his life, Asahi has only heard his soulmate’s voice maybe ten times.

The first nine times were random things he couldn't use to paint a specific picture of his soulmate, like _“I'm hungry”_ , _“I don't like this teacher”_ , and the worst: _“Huh?”_ Because, what was 'huh' supposed to mean about his soulmate? It could mean _any_ number of things! And Asahi, just like almost everyone else in the world, was desperately curious about who his soulmate—his _forever_ —was going to be.

But the tenth time was when Asahi decided, _Okay, there's no hope for me._

Because, that night in his dream, his soulmate declared, _“So what if I'm short, huh? So what if I'm small for my age?! I can still kick your ass, bastard! Bend down so I can punch you in the face!”_

Nope. Asahi can't do this. His soulmate, if that dream’s anything to go by, is supposedly _small_. He's _short_. Asahi would hurt someone who's small! Especially if they're romantic soulmates, and _that_ has a very high probability of 0.97. After all, physical intimacy is a staple in romantic relationships, no? What if they're hugging and Asahi hugs him too tightly and ends up strangling him? Or what if they're cuddling and Asahi accidentally crushes him?  He doesn't want to be the cause of his soulmate’s death. He doesn't want to be the cause of _anyone’s_ death.

 _I didn't ask for this,_ Asahi thinks sadly to himself.

A few petite girls walking past him in the school hallway spot him and immediately start to whisper about the ‘big, scary volleyball Ace’. Instinctively, he hunches into himself. They give him a final once-over before timidly scampering away, like he's going to assault them or something. His heart falls.

If some random girls in school with no obligation to be around him reacted like _that_ to him, he can't bear to imagine what his soulmate’s reaction would be like when (if) they meet.

He can't think of any reason why his soulmate would want to stay with him forever, no matter what.

 

* * *

 

If you asked him what his favourite genre of movies is, Nishinoya Yuu would proudly declare, “Action! Like _pow_ and _bam!_ ”

And it’s technically the truth. He gets so hyped up when watching superhero action films he ends up bouncing up and down in his seat, spilling popcorn and kicking them away in his excitement. His friends refuse to take him to movies, because they know he would be loudly cheering on his favourite superhero and jeering the big bad villain. He's even gotten banned from a few cinemas.

But what he would _never_ admit to anyone—not his family, nor his friends, not even his closest bro—is that he secretly enjoys romance flicks too. The first time he watched _Your Name_ , he bawled his eyes out and used up three boxes of tissues to dry his ocean of tears. _The Fault In Our Stars_ turned him into a miserable wreck for the rest of the weekend. And don't even _speak_ to him about _Titanic._

He loves romance films, because they take the whole concepts of love, loving each other forever no matter what life threw at them and happily ever afters, and glamourise them with heartwarming background music, sunsets at the beach and incredibly attractive actors (or animated characters). It’s an escape for him, something to fill the gap while he waits to meet his soulmate (if ever). It gives him something to idealise, to construct the foundation of what he’d like his great romance to be like when/if he finally meets his other half.

Now, thanks to romance movies, Noya gets this rush of warmth and fuzziness that goes through him when he thinks of his soulmate and what their wonderful, romantic forever is going to be like together. He absolutely loves it. 

(But, given his… circumstances, he's also not sure if he even _wants_ to meet his soulmate. It’s confusing for him. But it’s fine, because he has his romance movies he can escape into when the thoughts and fears become too overwhelming to handle.)

He would never tell, though. He's a closet hopeless romantic, and it will stay that way. No one else has to know.

Things change when he enrolls in Karasuno High School, and he walks into the gym to join the boys’ volleyball club.

 

* * *

 

In a way, he’s everything Asahi expected him to be. He's short— _way_ shorter than Asahi. The top of his head only comes up to the hollow of Asahi’s throat. Asahi wonders if his neck hurts from the angle he's inclining it, just so he can look at Asahi in the eyes. 

But in other ways, he is _vastly_ different from Asahi’s expectations and fears.

Namely, he doesn't seem scared of Asahi.

“Whoa, dude, you're so tall!” Nishinoya exclaims with a wide grin on his face, which lights up his eyes. Oh sweet lord, his _eyes_ —Asahi can feel himself drowning in those large brown eyes, framed by the most luscious set of eyelashes he's ever seen. Not even girls with the best mascara in the world can compete.

Asahi can already tell he's gone for this guy. It’s strange, because on one hand, he has all the features that would normally scare Asahi away from anyone else who isn't his soulmate—he's loud, brazen and excitable, and Asahi already feels tired from this first meeting. And he's _really tiny._  His shoulders are only maybe two-thirds the width of Asahi’s, at most, and you already know how short he is. He… he is an oxymoron. His personality is too big for his small body—and maybe that's what Asahi finds attractive. Confusing yes, but also intriguing.

“I, uh—yes,” Asahi stammers, blushing. He knows it’s a lame answer, but he's never known how exactly to respond when people comment on his height. Reflexively, he hunches his shoulders and slouches down, only for Nishinoya to let out a squawk of indignation.

“Hey, you're not trying to make yourself appear _smaller_ for my sake, are you?!” Nishinoya demands, his initial delightment giving way to anger.

“I don't—I'm not—” But Asahi trails off, because only now does he realise what he has been doing for most of his life as an unconscious reflex. “I… I'm sorry—I swear I wasn't—”

“You don't have to do that, okay?” Nishinoya huffs, sounding affronted. “I'm not _scared_ of you! In fact, I think it’s super cool that you're so big—” He flings his arms wide open horizontally with more energy than his petite frame should be able to contain. “—and so tall!” He swings his arms vertically apart for more emphasis, and Asahi can't help but find the over-the-top gestures endearing. They take up so much space, it makes him feel a little better about taking up so much space himself. “Sometimes I wish I was taller—but only a little! ‘Cause being short has its advantages too, y’know? Like, I can sit cross-legged on chairs and sofas and it’s very comfortable! I have a cousin about the same height as you—maybe a couple inches shorter—and he complains that his legs always cramp up when he tries to sit cross-legged on chairs. Ha, it’s what the bastard deserves for always making fun of _my_ height.”

“O-oh.” Asahi nods bashfully. “I, er, I see. Okay, yeah.” Good god, what is he _saying?_ His soulmate has more reason than he does to be a scared, nervous wreck, yet he's the one fumbling with his words, tripping over his thoughts.

“Okay, that's enough, you two,” Daichi interjects. “I know you're happy to have met your soulmate and all, but we still have practice to do.”

“Yes, Daichi-san!” Nishinoya hollers with a salute, before bounding off to smoothly receive a serve from the third-year captain. Asahi flinches at his forwardness—it took _him_ a good three months before he became comfortable with addressing Daichi by his given name, and that was even at Daichi’s own insistence.

Daichi, instead of being offended by their kouhai’s forwardness, chuckles amusedly. “Looks like you'll have your hands full with this one for the rest of your life, huh.”

“You're gonna have fun,” Suga says. He approaches Daichi from behind and gives him a brief hug before joining him by his side. Their pinkies instantly intertwine, as if it’s habit for them, as if the rest of the world (and the volleyball team) don't exist in that moment they're in together. “I know _I'm_ having lots of fun with mine.”

“Not in the gym, Koushi,” Daichi chides when Suga leans in for a peck on the cheek.

Suga grins wickedly. He doesn't sound very apologetic when he says, “Sorry, Dai. It’s been a year, and I still can't resist sometimes. It’s all your fault, Hot-Thighs-san.”

Asahi groans. “Please, not in front of me.” Don't get him wrong, he loves his friends, but sometimes they can get _really_ mushy and gross with their PDA. 

Suga snorts. “Oh please, with your firecracker of a soulmate like that, I think you'll be discovering the hypocrisy of that statement sooner than later.”

Asahi blushes at the thought—the thought of him and his soulmate being the way Daichi and Suga are. If he can barely handle the PDA of two of his closest friends, he can't imagine how he’ll handle _engaging_ in PDA with his soulmate.

And whoa, his _soulmate_. The realisation that he has actually met his soulmate is just starting to sink in for real. Suddenly, everything becomes so _real_. This is, essentially, the rest of his life. He’s going to be spending the rest of his life—forever, pretty much—with this tiny ball of energy who has already made his huge impression in Asahi’s life.

The pressure nearly crushes him into the hardwood floor of the gym, if it weren't for Daichi’s reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“You'll be fine,” Daichi tells him reassuringly. “I know forever sounds like a crazy big thing, but I promise it becomes easier to handle as time goes by.” 

“Besides,” Suga adds, “Nishinoya has very clearly taken a shine to you, in spite of your massive dorkiness. He hasn't run away or made any assumptions that you're part of the yakuza or something like that. You guys will be fine.” 

Asahi nods. So far, they've had a good start. Maybe finding his soulmate won't be as bad as he thought it would be, after all.

 

* * *

 

Noya decides that his soulmate is the most precious person to ever exist.

They almost always walk home together—turns out they only live a few streets away from each other—after practice, and that time has been rather enlightening for the both of them.

Noya learns that Asahi likes relaxing classical music (not quite Noya’s taste, but if that's what Asahi likes then Noya will protect his interests with his dying breath) and dislikes heavy rock. He knows how to cook, but only if he doesn't have to cut anything. He's terrified of accidentally chopping his finger off, even though Noya reassures him that if he can react fast enough to spike a volleyball tossed to him at a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it speed then surely he’d react fast enough before a mean knife can cut his pinky off. He is, surprisingly, fine with big dogs but terrified out of his mind of small dogs, which Noya finds equal parts adorable and hilarious. He also reveals, much to Noya’s mirth, that he once wet his pants when his middle school friend forced him to watch a horror movie.

Secretly, however, Noya is also pissed. How _dare_ anyone force his soulmate, his pure, adorable soulmate, to do anything against his will? He clenches his fists, bristling with anger. His nails dig into his palms, and it begins to hurt a little, but fuck if he cares. _No one_ scares Asahi, not on Noya’s watch.

Asahi must have picked up on his mood, because he stops in his tracks and asks worriedly, “Noya? What's wrong? Oh my god, did I say something wrong? If I did, I'm sorry, I swear—”

Noya hastily brushes his worries aside. “Stop worrying so much, you massive dork,” he teases, forcing some of his usual cheer back into his voice. “I just don't like the idea of some asshole forcing you to watch something that scares you, that's all.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Asahi reassures him. “It’s fine, really, he didn't mean any harm.”

“That's bullshit,” Noya asserts. “He did something you didn't like, and that's not cool. You gotta stand up for yourself more, Asahi-san! Don't let all those assholes constantly stomp all over you!”

Asahi shakes his head ruefully. “I'm not like you, Noya. You're so… so brave, and so—so natural, y’know?”

Noya stares blankly up at him. _Natural?_ The heck is _that_ supposed to mean?

“A-ah, I mean,” Asahi rushes to clarify. “It’s like—it's like the whole world’s your stage, and you just do what you want and how you want, ‘cause nothing scares you.”

( _Not true,_ Noya wants to say. In contrary to what Asahi seems to think of him, he actually has one _massive_ fear. It’s lurking in the back of his mind always, and right now in this moment, it threatens to inch its way to the forefront of his mind and consume him.)

(But he can't tell Asahi that, not when they've got such a good rapport going on between them. Everything is going as wonderfully as he’s always imagined it would be. He's not going to ruin it with his stupid fear.)

Noya grins and grabs Asahi’s large, warm hand, laughing when he spots his scarlet face. “Yeah, and I’ll protect you! If anyone is mean to you, I’ll yell at them and scare them away! So you're safe with me, Asahi-san.”

“Mhm, okay.” The squeeze Asahi gives Noya’s hand is small, almost too gentle to even be called a proper squeeze, but it’s enough for Noya. Butterflies make themselves cosy in his stomach, and his heart pumps so much blood so fast through his body it's like it’s in overdrive. He savours the feeling of Asahi’s calloused skin against his smaller but just as calloused palm. He feels like they could spend forever like this, and it still wouldn't be enough for him.

If this is what falling in love feels like, then Noya is in love with being in love.

(In his haze of emotions clouding up his judgement, he forgets his fear and his mother’s warnings that once rang like incessant sirens in his brain.)

“There's a bench!” Noya chirps as they walk past a park. It looks pretty empty, with only a couple and two small families with little kids in it. “Let’s sit down for a while!”

Asahi makes a soft sound of compliance, before letting Noya lead him to the park. They settle on the bench, sheltered comfortably under the shade of a large maple tree. Their hands remain interlocked between them. In fact, the only space between them is due to their hands; otherwise, they're pretty close on the bench. But it’s not enough for Noya, who always wants more, more and even more. He lifts their joined hands, places them on Asahi’s lap, and scoots closer to him until their sides are pressed comfortably together.

“Noya?” Asahi asks, startled. “Is everything okay? Do you have enough space?”

Quick panic bursts in Noya when he sees Asahi bring his knees even closer together. Without thinking, and with the honed reflexes of the star libero he is, his other hand reaches out to clamp down on Asahi’s left knee. “Stop trying to make yourself smaller for my sake, damn it,” he growls. “I'm fine, I swear!” It hurts him—it genuinely pains him on a deep, personal level—to see Asahi try to retreat into himself, when he should be proud of himself and let the whole world see him in his full, amazing glory.

Asahi flinches, like Noya slapped him. “I—I'm sorry, Noya. It’s just… I know I take up a lot of space, even when I'm not trying. And I know people don't like it when others encroach on their personal space, and I've gotten looks from people next to me on trains because sometimes when I'm tired my legs just spread and gets into their space, and it makes me feel bad so I try not to occupy more space than necessary.”

“Well, they're dumb,” Noya says firmly. “You can take up all the space you want when you're with me, okay? You’re not gonna squash me or anything—like I'd let _anything_ squash me—so you have nothing to be scared of! And besides,” he adds with a cheeky grin, “if there really isn't any more space, I can always just sit on your lap.”

“N-Noya!” Asahi gasps, sounding scandalised. 

Noya laughs. A sudden burst of boldness takes over him, and since he isn't one to ignore his instincts, he leans in and presses his lips fiercely against Asahi’s. Who the fuck cares that there's a family with kids a few feet away playing on the swings? Who the fuck cares that PDA is extremely frowned upon in Japan? Noya has never cared much about social norms. All he cares about is that he has his immensely sweet, handsome and endearing soulmate next to him and he feels so utterly smitten with him.

When he pulls away, pointedly ignoring the disgusted glares from the kids’ parents, he's pleased to see that Asahi’s face, ears and even his neck are flushed bright red.

“N-noya,” Asahi says feebly. “I, um, that was—maybe not in public? People are giving us strange looks.”

“So shy, Asahi-san,” he teases. But he agrees to Asahi’s terms anyway, not wanting him to be uncomfortable. 

Asahi, still blushing furiously, glances away from Noya and rubs the back of his neck with his free hand. “Um, maybe… maybe you can tell me more about yourself?” he asks, and Noya recognises he's trying to change the subject. “I feel like we've talked enough about me already.”

“Okay! So I really like this band…”

And so, Noya begins cheerfully narrating his entire life story to Asahi, who listens attentively and never interrupts him once—a feat Noya has to actively remind himself to perform when Asahi is telling him about himself. He can't help it, okay; he's so curious about Asahi, and he wants to know every little, significant detail about Asahi that Asahi doesn't think is important.

(He’s careful to omit a very specific part of his life story in his retelling to Asahi, though. He figures it’s not relevant. It can't hurt them now, surely.)

So they stay at the park till dark, talking and surreptitiously swapping gentle kisses when there's no one else around to glare at them, and Noya thanks all the fates in the heavens that this is the kind of forever he's been gifted with.

 

* * *

 

Dating Noya has been nothing short of eventful. With Noya around, lighting up every square inch of space he occupies, nothing is ever boring anymore. He brings a unique kind of joy, a unique kind of energy, Asahi never knew he needed in his life until now—and now that he has it, he keeps wanting more. Maybe it’s greedy of him, and maybe it’s just his teenaged hormones, but for once Asahi doesn't feel like worrying about the little things.

Well… there _is_ one little thing he should be worrying about, he reflects in hindsight.

And what should it be, but his soulmate?

They're making their way to the gym for volleyball practice, after Noya came and picked Asahi up rather loudly from his classroom, and Noya is complaining about his contemporary literature class.

“A 5-page essay due tomorrow? That sounds rough,” Asahi says sympathetically.

“I know, right!” Noya groans, throwing his hands up. “The sensei is a fucking sadist, I can't stand him. And he keeps picking on me in class, as if he wants to make me look like an idiot or some—”

Just then, a pair of second-years by the row of lockers make eye contact with Asahi, and the boy gasps loudly.

 _Oh no._ Asahi knows what _that_ kind of gasp usually precedes, and he steels himself up for the torrent of lies about to be hurled his way.

“Hey, did you know, Azumane-san used to be in juvie?” the boy stage-whispers to the girl next to him, as if he _wants_ Asahi to hear him. Asahi flinches so badly he nearly drops his stuff. 

“What, no way!” the girl stage-whispers back to him. “And they let a guy like _that_ study at our school? I don't want to be assaulted on my way to the bathroom!”

“Nah, don't worry, I think he was arrested for selling drugs or—”

“Oi, you wanna say that to my face?!”

And Noya, in all his 156 cm glory, marches over to the pair—both of whom are a ways taller than him. The guy is practically a head taller than Noya, even with Noya’s hair spiked up. Noya plants his hands on his hips and glares up at them, not budging from his spot, despite his significant physical disadvantage.

“What's your problem, little man?” the guy snaps, bristling.

“ _Little?!_ ” Noya growls. “Oh, I’ll fucking show you _little_ when I have my foot up your sorry ass. My _problem_ is you talking shit about my man! Maybe instead of spreading rumours you don't even know are true, how ‘bout you mind your own damn business?!”

The girl takes several steps back. “Satoru-kun, I think we should go—”

“And what?” Satoru snarls, ignoring the girl. “I should listen to you just ‘cause he's fucking you, huh? I’ll talk about whatever I wanna talk about, so _you_ should mind your own damn business, you fucking son of a whore. Both your mothers’ cunts should be ashamed of having pushed fags like you both out—”

“You rotten _bastard_ —”

Panic overtakes Asahi’s senses. Reacting purely on protective instinct, Asahi swoops forward and catches Noya around his waist, pulling him back before he can do something stupid like get into a fight with some random nobody.

“Noya, please,” he says. He wraps his other arm around the squirming boy in his hold. For once, he's glad that Noya is so small-sized, or he might have more trouble trying to keep a grip on him, what with the violent—almost feral—way he's thrashing about in Asahi’s arms.

“He insulted you, Asahi-san!” Noya howls with a burning fury. “He was talking shit about you—and untrue shit, too! Let me at him—I’m gonna teach him a lesson his sorry ass isn't about to forget any time soon—”

“And what would that achieve?” Asahi pleads. “It wouldn't achieve anything. You'd just get into trouble for fighting! Please be reasonable, Noya!” From above Noya’s head, he makes eye contact with the terrified-looking girl. He does his best to signal to her to get the hell out of here with his eyes. It works, or maybe she's just scared of him—because she grabs Satoru’s arm and manages to drag him away before a fight can break out.

“I _am_ —”

“No, you're not!” Asahi, for the first time since they met, interrupts him. “Please—I appreciate the thought, I really do, but you don't have to do this.”

Noya seems to crumple in Asahi’s arms. “But—but I promised I would protect Asahi-san if anyone talked crap about you!”

“You don't have to.” In a burst of rare spontaneity, Asahi turns Noya around in his arms, and—seeing that there's no one else in the hallway—he leans down on presses his lips against Noya’s forehead. He keeps his lips there as he murmurs, “You don't have to protect me, Noya. Just having you believe me and not be scared of me is enough for me. I don't want you getting into trouble for my sake. _Please_.”

“… Hmph, fine,” Noya finally relents. Asahi thinks it has something to do with the sudden public kiss, considering how firmly he normally is against PDA. “But you can't let anyone scare you away, okay?”

Asahi lays another tender kiss, on the top of Noya’s head this time, and then pulls away so he can look at him in his (alluring, breathtaking, starlit) eyes. “I'm not going anywhere, Noya.”

And that seems to be enough for Noya.

 

* * *

 

But Asahi lied.

After the disastrous match against Dateko, he leaves. He leaves the team. He leaves volleyball.

He leaves Noya.

 

* * *

 

To his credit, Noya manages to hold back his tears and force a smile on his face until he's safely back home.

Then he sees his mother sitting on the couch, sorting out some random papers and files, and he just completely loses it.

“Ma,” he is just barely able to choke out before he's breaking down into violent sobs.

“Yuu, baby, what's wrong?” his mother asks, worry laced in her voice. She quickly packs away her things and pats the spot on the couch next to her. Noya dumps his things unceremoniously by the door and pads over to the couch, sinking down next to the warmth of his mother. She wraps an arm around him, drawing him close, and he presses his tear-stained face into the sleeve of her blouse. “Shh, relax, baby. If you'd like to, you can tell me what's wrong once you calm down.”

Noya lets himself sob for a while more. It hurts. Everything fucking hurts. You could stab him with a blunt knife and it would still hurt exponentially less.

A fucking idiot, that's what he is. What was he _thinking?_ He should have listened to his mother. Mother always knows best.

“I'm sorry, Ma,” he sniffles pathetically. “I'm sorry, I should’ve listened to you. You're right—they leave. They always do.”

Because just like how he’s been abandoned by Asahi, his father abandoned his mother. His parents were soulmates, but clearly being soulmates isn't enough to keep people together. People leave. People can always leave. Fate can have its designs and plans, but it doesn't matter if humans choose to fuck it all up.

The complete powerlessness Noya feels increases tenfold. He's powerless on the volleyball court—he can't score any points, he couldn't win back the points Dateko stole from them—and now he's too powerless to stop his soulmate from leaving him.

“Yuu, did you have a fight with Asahi-kun?” his mother asks gently. She runs her fingers through his hair, and that works miracles in getting some of the pent-up tension coiled up tightly in him out.

He slumps against her and nods. He explains the whole sordid tale to her: their devastating loss to Dateko High School, their fight in the storage room afterwards, and their subsequent fight in the school corridor. Oh, and he's suspended both from school and the team. Great. His life is really fucking peachy.

“Yuu, that is not how we express our displeasure with someone,” his mother reproaches. “We talk to them _civilly_ , and we certainly don't break school property.”

“I know,” he mumbles, ashamed. “I'm sorry, Ma.”

“Good, as long as you know that. Now that the discipline part is over, let’s talk about the other part, shall we?” She straightens her posture, and Noya imitates her. She hands him a handkerchief to dry his tears with. While he's busy doing that, she says, “Please listen to me. Remember that part where I said people always leave, right after the divorce happened?”

Noya nods mutely. It’s been seven years since his parents divorced. The divorce process was long and tedious, since they were soulmates or some bullshit like that. It was possible, of course; long, complicated and painful, but possible. 

But that's not the main reason why he remembers it. He remembers, because it formed the foundation of his biggest fear — the fear that being so-called bound for life by a voice in your dreams is not enough, that _he_ won't be enough to keep his soulmate from leaving. What the hell is ‘forever’ supposed to mean when the other person can just get up and walk right out of the door any time they please?

“Yuu, you have to know that it was a very difficult time for me,” his mother continues, sounding like she's carefully picking her words. “I was not in a… right state of mind. I was hurt and furious because I had just found out your father had been cheating on me repeatedly. And at that time, all I was thinking about was my anger and grief—and also about protecting you from going through the same pain I did. I didn't intend for you to take and internalise my words the way you did, and for that I must apologise.”

“What for?” Noya mutters sullenly. “You're right. Dad left, and now Asahi left. Everyone leaves.”

His mother shook her head. “Not everyone. What happened between me and your father, and what happened between you and Asahi-kun—those are two very different circumstances. Your father left ‘cause he decided he preferred being with another woman, even if she wasn't his soulmate. You and Asahi-kun just had a fight, and that's perfectly normal.”

“It didn't feel normal.”

His mother pauses, before asking, “Was that your first fight with him?”

Noya reflects on the past months he spent being blindly smitten with Asahi, and huh, turns out they never really fought about anything until now. Asahi’s always so agreeable and accommodating—until Dateko crushed his spirit.

He nods in response.

“Then you have nothing to worry about,” his mother says encouragingly. “Couples fight all the time, even— _especially_ —if they're soulmates. And Asahi-kun was probably just upset from the loss, that's all. Just like how I didn't mean what I told you all those years ago, he probably didn't mean anything he said at all.” His mother kisses his cheek. “The first fight in any relationship always feels like the worst, but if you have the courage and strength, you can still fix things. And you're always so courageous, Yuu, so go and talk to him."

“Mmm, thanks Ma.” 

“Anytime for you, sweetie. Now, since you have a week off from school, I want you to help me with some of the housekeeping. Might as well put your free time to doing some good around the house.”

“Ma!” he protests.

But Noya always listens to his mother, so he drags himself to help her with the chores anyway.

He also tries to act on her other piece of advice. Key word: tries. Every time he grabs his phone and scrolls to Asahi’s name in his contact list, his fingers will hover over the keyboard, trying to type out and send a digital olive branch—but he always ends up deleting everything and tossing aside said olive branch. For once, he just doesn't _know_ what to say. Words have never failed him before, him being Chatterbox-kun as Chikara likes to call him, until now.

Does Asahi even _want_ an olive branch?

Noya doesn't want to know the answer to that, so he spends a whole, extremely painful month without his soulmate.

 

* * *

 

Asahi wants to run away. He doesn't even _want_ to be here. It’s just that the scary store-owner guy is suddenly (apparently) the new coach, and Asahi doesn't want to give the guy any reason to rag on him any more than he already did.

But this time, he stays—partly because of the scary new coach, but mostly because he doesn't want to imagine how badly Noya would blow up if he leaves again.

After the practice match ends, he awkwardly hovers by the net, unsure of where he should go. He doesn't know if he belongs anymore. He's pretty sure the team doesn't need a coward who ran away from the team for a month.

And they already have Noya, who is many kinds of amazing. Apparently he was practising block-follow-ups with the moms’ team during the entire month he was suspended from the team, and it’s clear that his hard work has paid off, if the earlier match was any indication. Noya is the best libero Asahi has ever seen, yet he’s constantly looking for ways to improve, never giving up no matter what.

What about Asahi? Unlike Noya, who had to be _forced_ out of the team and even that didn't stop him from practising volleyball anyway, Asahi walked away. Neither did he work himself down to the bone to improve his play during his absence. Is he even worth it—

“Asahi-san,” a small, fragile voice says from somewhere behind him.

He turns around, and there is Noya. For the first time in all the months Asahi has known him, he has never seen Noya look _afraid_ of him. His heart clenches with self-loathing. He’s never wanted to make anyone scared of him. Most of all, he's never wanted _Noya_ of all people to be scared of him.

“N-Noya,” he says weakly, because he's dumb and stupid and never knows the right thing to say in any given situation, unlike his amazing, hard-working and charismatic soulmate.

Noya is looking at him with those wide, beautiful eyes now glimmering with tears, and Asahi doesn't know if he will survive this conversation. “Asahi-san, please… please be honest with me. Did you mean what you said earlier during the match? Or… or are you going to leave again?”

Asahi pauses. He never wants to make a rash, spur-of-the-moment decision and end up hurting the person he wants to hurt the absolute least, so he pauses to think.

On one hand, he's terrified. He knows returning, and staying, isn't going to be easy. Training is gonna be brutal, especially since he hasn't exercised much in the last month. Getting back into the groove of the game, similarly, won't be easy. And, most importantly, he doesn't want to let the team down again—let _Noya_ down again.

But on the other… he has missed Noya terribly. (And volleyball too, he supposes, but Noya especially.) He misses the way he and Noya would make eye contact in the hallway, and those eyes of his that Asahi loves so much would instantly light up with an overflow of love and admiration. He misses hearing Noya’s loud, brazen voice excitedly tell him about whatever shenanigans he and Tanaka got up to again, and he misses the way Noya fit so perfectly in his arms, like he was made for his arms and his arms were made for him. Most of all, he misses the oversized, larger-than-life presence squeezed into the endearingly petite body of his soulmate.

And that wild, volatile, vivacious force of nature is worth overcoming any and every hurdle, Asahi decides.

“Yes, Noya,” he says softly. “I'm sorry for… for the past month. I was weak then, but I promise: I’ll become stronger. I’ll become stronger for you. And I'm here to stay for real, this time. I promise."

Noya stares blankly at him for a total of one second, before his face splits into the familiar wide grin Asahi knows and loves. Without warning, he launches himself at Asahi, wrapping his legs around his waist and arms around his neck, and he kisses Asahi right there in the middle of the gym. Right in front of all their teammates, their sensei, their coach and the guys from the neighbourhood association team. Right in front of the whole world.

But for once, Asahi doesn't care about the taboo of PDA. In fact, all societal rules and norms and other people disappear into the background like white noise, and he focuses solely on the boy clinging to him and kissing him like his life depends on it.

(Really, Asahi muses wryly to himself, it really should be the other way around, ‘cause Noya is by far the bigger and better person between the both of them.) 

Noya pulls away. His grin is still intact on his face as he practically yells into Asahi’s face, “I love you, Asahi-san!”

Asahi smiles and leans his forehead against Noya’s. “And I love you too, Noya.”

“Okay, that's quite enough, the both of you!” the scary new coach shouts. A few of their teammates snicker at their matching red faces.

“Yes, coach!” they chorus.

But because he's Noya, he leans in and pecks Asahi on the nose before leaping off him.

Asahi doesn't even care that they have to clean up the whole gym afterwards by themselves as punishment for their ‘inappropriate behaviour’. It just means more time he gets to spend with Noya.

 

* * *

 

This time, he keeps his promise.

After the loss to Aoba Johsai, he stays. And now, Noya knows he has nothing to fear.

 

* * *

 

After practice, Noya brings Asahi home with him, largely because his mother is out for some company party and won't be back until midnight, and like hell he's going to let this opportunity to have an empty house to make out in slip past him.

“I really like your home,” Asahi comments.

“Thanks!” Noya beams. “I picked the colour for the feature wall over there!” He gestures to the bright orange wall behind the dining table, just in case Asahi missed it. It’d be hard to, frankly, what with how loud the colour is.

“I… I can tell. It’s very… you.”

“Hey, what's that supposed to mean?” Noya demands playfully.

Asahi flushes, and Noya will never get sick of how cute he looks like that. “It’s just—so _you_. Bright, full of energy and warmth.”

And now it’s Noya’s turn to blush. “Wha— that’s so cheesy, Asahi!”

Asahi just smiles shyly at him before gathering him in his arms and lathering kisses all over his face and neck. Damn, Noya thinks dreamily, he can _really_ get used to an empty house with just Asahi for company.

A sudden, saucy idea strikes Noya. He pulls gently away from the passionate kiss Asahi’s got him in.

“Hey, Asahi-san." His eyes flit from Asahi’s eyes, down to his lips, then to his well-defined jaw, and settles on the unfairly attractive Adam’s apple in his throat. He leans forward, until he can feel Asahi's pulse thrumming against his lips as he murmurs, “Say, since we just got back from practice and we’re all gross and sweaty, how ‘bout we take a shower— _together_?”

Noya has to say this—the blush that completely takes over Asahi's entire face is totally worth it. His big dork of a soulmate stammers out his consent, and then Noya is off.

He's pleased to report that Asahi’s blush, which spreads him from head to toe, stays for the whole duration of their shower.

 

* * *

 

After their shower, they end up on Noya’s couch. Noya insists on them having a movie night, and Asahi is all too happy to acquiesce. He's happy to go along with most of what Noya suggests, as long as he gets to stay with him, so he lets Noya pick the movie.

To be honest, he's expecting Noya to pick out some thrilling superhero action movie, filled to the brim with epic battles and explosions and over-the-top displays of masculinity. That's what Noya told him he enjoyed, after all. Asahi must say it suits his personality like a glove.

So he's surprised when Noya instead picks out a romance shoujo movie.

Noya must spot his surprised expression, because he bashfully (since when was he bashful about _anything?_ He literally just asked Asahi to _shower with him._ ) runs his fingers through his ungelled hair and mumbles, “Oh, I didn't tell you. I'm, um—this is kinda embarrassing, but I'm actually kinda a closet romantic. I know, lame, right?”

Asahi is quick to shake his head. Noya has reassured him of so many of his insecurities, so it’s about time he returned the favour. “Not at all. You know I’d still love you regardless of your taste in movies. And… it’s actually really cute that your tastes in movies vary so much,” he adds with a grin. It really is. It’s surprising, initially; but now that he thinks about it, it makes sense. Noya _does_ have a soft side. He isn't all rash decisions and rambunctious behaviour, as Asahi saw earlier when they were headed to practice.

As par for the course, some students started whispering about Asahi when they spotted him—the usual stuff: gangster, drug-dealer, regularly instigates gang fights. And instead of trying to start a fight in the middle of the hallway, Noya just kept his hands in his pockets and muttered _extremely_ vulgar curses under his breath. But progress is progress, and Asahi’s just glad he didn't get himself suspended again.

Noya blushes, and Asahi is pleased to be making _him_ blush for once. “Okay, if you say so!” he chirps. 

By the time the movie is playing on Noya’s TV, Noya is curled up right next to Asahi. His head rests on Asahi’s chest like it’s a pillow crafted specially for his head, Asahi has his arm around Noya’s waist, and his chin rests on top of Noya’s head. Now that his hair is ungelled, Asahi can finally feel what his actual hair feels like without all that product in it. It’s so, so soft like silk, and Asahi falls even more ridiculously in love than he already is.

_This. This was all worth it._

Because, in spite of all the difficulties and insecurity and their respective fears, they’ve made it. And Asahi doesn't want to let go of this just yet, no matter if they have forever together.

 

* * *

 

Throughout the whole movie, Noya alternates between playing with Asahi’s untied hair and yelling at the characters in the movie. It doesn't matter if he's already seen this movie a billion times since it was released, he will forever yell at the characters, fight him. Only the feeling of Asahi’s long thick hair between his fingertips keeps him from getting up and trying to strangle the characters on screen.

But because he's seen this movie a bajillion times and thus has all the story arcs memorised, his attention wanders. His eyes land on Asahi’s legs, spread a comfortable distance apart in front of them. Noya is suddenly awash with happiness and pride for his wonderful, beautiful soulmate. When they first met, Asahi was literally trying to shrink into himself. He was so scared of occupying space—space he can't help but take up because that's just the way he was made, large and beautiful—that he kept his knees pressed together, even though Noya couldn't see how that could be comfortable for any length of time.

And now, look at him. While he isn't quite manspreading the way Noya wouldn't mind seeing (for, er, _reasons_ ), it still beats his previous stunt of trying to shrink into himself.

Noya is so, incredibly proud of him.

He's also extremely proud of _them_. Sure, they're not perfect in any sense of the word, not like all those romance movies Noya can now comfortably say he enjoys. But they're better and stronger no— _that's_ what matters. 

And not to mention, they suffered a crushing loss, lost each other for the entirety of an excruciating month before finding each other again, and are making great progress in overcoming their respective fears—Asahi’s of occupying space, and Noya’s of being abandoned. 

Now, thanks to all that, they have a forever they know they can believe in, no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> tbh the only reason why the shower scene was thrown in was to give me an excuse to have Noya and Asahi with their hair down, so they can play with one another's hair. make of the showering-together part what you will.
> 
> honestly, i didn't expect this to be so long. i thought it'd be like, 3k words at most, but i ended up more than doubling it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ oh well, i hope you enjoyed it regardless. happy thanksgiving yall, cheers. 
> 
> thanks for reading! :D
> 
> [catch me on my tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


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